The Whine On Christmas

Santa & JesusThe persecution complex that is Christianity suffers from a paranoid and delusional fear of a war on Christmas. They suspect that, somewhere in an underground atheist bunker, a stealthy, subversive group [1] is ever so slowly taking Christ out of Christmas and replacing him with an X. I’ve seen similar behavior in a three-year-old who suspects he may be forced to share the last piece of cake.

Until recently, I’ve just rolled my eyes at Fox Spews and their absurd fear-mongering. “Is there a war on Christmas? I’m just asking but that probably means there is.” Then came Twitter. Twitter has allowed me to interact with a few Christians and given me insight into the depth of their pettiness.

Lisa: Christmas is about Christ. You are free to get your own Holiday if you don’t like it.Me: Christmas = Christ to YOU. Christmas is a traditional FAMILY holiday of which no one [can] claim ownership.

Lisa: actually that’s not true at all. Others have claimed it but originally it’s to celebrate Christ birth. No denying that.

Me: Again, to YOU Christmas is a celebration of Christ’s birth. To MANY others it celebrates family & friends.

HB: Jesus would’ve been born in the summer. Christians ripped off Saturnalia in an attempt to lure pagans into their religion.

HB: So yes, there is denying that.

Lisa: We don’t have to lure anyone- He loves you and if you choose to reject HIM He gave you free will. It’s not my job to convince you.

Me: It’s also not your job to dictate whether or not non-Christians have the right to enjoy a public holiday.

At this point, I’m a mere 140 characters away from YELLING at Lisa, possibly making her cry.

Obviously, for Christians, Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus – a little bastard who came into this world for the sole purpose of being sacrificed to God (his biological father) on Man’s behalf. In recognition of his birth, Jesus’ devout followers are nice to each other (and sometimes even strangers) for an entire day which makes them very pleased with themselves.

I’m being facetious. What really makes Christians happy is knowing that everyone who takes a pass on the gift of eternal life by choosing not to accept Jesus as their own, personal Jesus, will be burning for eternity in God’s nether regions. One does not turn down a very pricey gift from God and expect him to be gracious about it.


The fact that Christians see Christmas as a tangible, shiny treasure that needs to be protected and kept unsullied by heathen hands is outrageously stupid (and selfish). No one is trying to stop them from celebrating Christmas in whichever way makes them feel best about themselves and their religion.

“Happy Holidays” is not a war cry, it’s a simple way to show tolerance for beliefs that differ from yours. Wishing someone a happy holiday is an effortless way to include, rather than exclude, your fellow human beings during a season of pretending you believe in peace on earth and goodwill to men.

So maybe we should take Christ out of Christmas and replace him with an X.

X = what is important to you.

[1]The Grinch Fan Club

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