The persecution complex that is Christianity suffers from a paranoid and delusional fear of a war on Christmas. They suspect that, somewhere in an underground atheist bunker, a stealthy, subversive group  is ever so slowly taking Christ out of Christmas and replacing him with an X. I’ve seen similar behavior in a three-year-old who suspects he may be forced to share the last piece of cake.
Until recently, I’ve just rolled my eyes at Fox Spews and their absurd fear-mongering. “Is there a war on Christmas? I’m just asking but that probably means there is.” Then came Twitter. Twitter has allowed me to interact with a few Christians and given me insight into the depth of their pettiness.
At this point, I’m a mere 140 characters away from YELLING at Lisa, possibly making her cry.
Obviously, for Christians, Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus – a little bastard who came into this world for the sole purpose of being sacrificed to God (his biological father) on Man’s behalf. In recognition of his birth, Jesus’ devout followers are nice to each other (and sometimes even strangers) for an entire day which makes them very pleased with themselves.
I’m being facetious. What really makes Christians happy is knowing that everyone who takes a pass on the gift of eternal life by choosing not to accept Jesus as their own, personal Jesus, will be burning for eternity in God’s nether regions. One does not turn down a very pricey gift from God and expect him to be gracious about it.
The fact that Christians see Christmas as a tangible, shiny treasure that needs to be protected and kept unsullied by heathen hands is outrageously stupid (and selfish). No one is trying to stop them from celebrating Christmas in whichever way makes them feel best about themselves and their religion.
“Happy Holidays” is not a war cry, it’s a simple way to show tolerance for beliefs that differ from yours. Wishing someone a happy holiday is an effortless way to include, rather than exclude, your fellow human beings during a season of pretending you believe in peace on earth and goodwill to men.
So maybe we should take Christ out of Christmas and replace him with an X.
X = what is important to you.